Where am I?

To be honest, I have no idea.  I realize I haven’t posted in what seems like forever, and it’s not for lack of things to say, it’s more for lack of being able to keep a single thought in my head long enough to type a full and complete sentence.  I need to type like Data from the STNG days (that’s Star Trek the Next Generation for all you non-sci-fi types).  So why am I typing now you ask?  Because I’m desperately trying not to do anything actually productive.  I had a great post running through my head the other day as a follow up for My Life Costs How Much? and that was, “My life is Worth How Much?”.  Last weekend I arrived at our church’s Worship Team Christmas Lunch and Workshop and nearly broke down in tears at the sight of everyone.  I explained that it was just a bit of an emotional day because I’d just finished putting my life up for sale on craigslist.  Or at least that’s how it felt to see so much of my household goods in an ad like that.  My best friend chided me to have a little perspective…that is until she saw my ad printed up on Sunday…then she started crying.  We haven’t really allowed ourselves to think too much about the imminent departure.  The thing that really gets me is that I’m not a particularly sentimental person, especially when it comes to things so why am I completely wrecked at the fact that we’re selling our couch and our bedroom dresser and our home theater system (and the list goes on and on and on and on…).  My mom keeps telling me, it’s not the things but what they represent, ie. the life that the Rocket Scientist and I had built here in Chicago and I hear and acknowledge the wisdom in that, but I think part of me is always a little surprised when the rules apply to me.  And I think, too, I’m a bit disappointed that the excitement of this upcoming new adventure feels so overwhelmed by the sadness of selling and donating and packing and leaving.  Just driving home yesterday from the grocery store and seeing our beautiful skyline and parks and people…needless to say, I’ve spent the last week crying.  But we’re trying very hard to get as much sold as we can by tomorrow because Saturday we head off to Canada to see family and by the time I get back, it’s 2 days before Christmas and 7 days before the movers come.  We’re actually going to be decorating the Christmas tree on Christmas Eve this year…and then taking it down on boxing day (well maybe we’ll leave it up a couple days longer).  And no, I absolutely cannot go without a tree for my son’s first Christmas.  I know he won’t know or care, but I will and the pictures will always cause me great pain.  So that is me, not really sure what day it is, where I am or which end is up and I don’t see that changing in the near future.  Please God, let all these myriad of things work out and let the time that I am able to spend with all these people you’ve blessed my life with be filled with peace and joy and contentment.  And Thank You that we live, not as those without hope, but fully confident that in the end, we will all be together.

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